madmophead's blog

Pondering...

Hey all

i dont even know why im writing on here again, its not like anyone has ever read this lol. Well im 21 this week. and what have i got to show for the past year in my life. One relationship ended, another began. I got a job, and im still with the same job (dont really know why!). My circle of friends has pretty much been reduced to about 2 (maybe/maybe not including james :)) And i spend my days doing fuck all.

Lol it really sucks

So new year, new start, maybe make some new friends (erm... havent really thought this one out have i? :P) have a funky bright colour in my hair. Go somewhere i havent been before. and fix my jaw, so i cant eat that huge bacon sandwich :). Sounds kinda optimistic huh?

But you never know, some miracals do happen, so why cant one happen to me?

*big grin!*

amys a happy bunny :)

all will be revealed most likely next week :P

 

as for the update :) works going good, chrissys away for the week is aweome. however whats not so awesome is that alans down and pissed every one off already! but only one more day of him, and im not here! yay!! apart from that works been the usual. the new guys are ok, the other amy is awesome i like her, and weve been getting on well. Not so much stuart, hes not the sort i associate with (hes kinda posh) and he sounds useless on the phones!

 

as for this week, im looking at some uber time with stix tomorow and wednesday, james and card gamer lot tonight, and james on thursday. im working this weekend *crys* which sucks, but ill guess ill get on with it :D

 

anyways untill next time!

 

toodles xxx

lil update time

wooo hooo been here just over two weeks (i think) and ive settled in nicely. rickys from works been awesome and lettting me borrow his dvd player which is cool, and a stack load of dvds! (2 of which i was really wanting to see, hard candy and spiderman 3, yay!) cant think of much else lol

im am so low on money atm, its supprising how much food costs, but ony a few more days till i have some money (i hope i get a decent bonus, not taxed this time!)

works not been too bad recently, theyve unblocked facebook, so now ive got something to do when theres no calls, and ive been doing a lot of that :p its been so dead recently!

and im growing my nails, i know not that exciting, but ive never had them all this long before, yay!

also ive got the weekend off this week, cause its the mega weekened, so ot of card playing and seeing james, yay!

anyway untill next time

toodles xxxx

yet another post at work

i should really get me something to do during my lunch breaks as this is getting a little dull doing atm! i can tell you that!

well tv and everything is all set up now which is nice! though i dont get amazing reception i still get quite good, and its enough on me to go by atm :) apart from that not much really to comment on, works being a bitch as always, but im coping, and ive got vs tonight, for like the first time in aaaages which is awesome!

 

anyway im off so update l;ater!

 

toodles xx

 

end of the weekend!

and im a proud owner of a tv and a game cube, all together costing me £35!!!!! yay for charity shops is all i can say :) as ive got the lisence on the way to, its going to mean ill have some more things to do now,which is also good. and i should hopefully be aquiring a digi box by the end of the week :D

friday was awesome as i went to go see batman, best film of the year so far, and best film ive seen for a long time. im not going to spoil it of anyone, but it is a deffo must see of anyone i know. i might try see it again i cn get hold of the money. saturday i was at work in the monring, and james popped round in the afternoon to keep me company with scrabble and tsuro!  and not forgetting a £20 tv! woop!!

today (sunday) went to tunny wells and got the stuff to make the tv work (like an aerial) and the gamcube with zelda to keep me occupide! wooo!!

well looking forward to this week with much vs and work time fun! so ntill the ext update

toddles xxx

revelations

well i'm not going to go into details about anything, everyones got their own view on whats been happening, and fair enough to them. i've tried arguing with peoples opinions, and once someones made up their mind theres not much that can change that

and this is not what this post is about.

its not about me apologizing or trying to come up with excuses, because they're aren't any, and i have no need to (though most wont see that this way). i'm going to be the adult about this (even if you might' think i'm not)

you see these two people is arguing over this one point, which doesn't involve them. and yes i can understand why they would want to get involved, i mean hell, i would from they're point of view. but its not anything to do with them. oh well they are with this person and best friends with that one, but they are not the person thats involved. And thats the person who i want to speak to, and sort this out with. because the other people don't matter.

and i've realized this

so the way i've been feeling this night is completely stupid. i mean yes it hurts when people are your friends so so many years, and they take it on themselves to not listen to you, and throw things you've told them in confidence and understanding back in your face, but then i've got to realize, they've got nothing better to do than get involved with other peoples business. and to try and make me feel as small and worthless as i can. as yes that has worked. but talking it over with someone i can trust not to let me down (because she is lovely) i see that yes maybe i'm in the wrong, but so is the other. as a person, i shouldn't be treated like that, no one should be treated like that. oh i'm sure its a great laugh went you tell whoever the next day, oh i said this and that to her last night, and look what she told me, what a whore! i've done it myself. i just don't think (and i certainly didn't) how horrible the feeling is when you've really haven't got anyone to rely on any more apart from the odd person. and being let down by the people you care about most.

so i'm over it. you can shout abuse at me, make me out to be the worst person in the history of terrible people, but you will not make me any less of who i am. i've taken enough from all the bitches and bastards in this world and it won't have to effect me anymore. not because i'm better than the other person, but i am my own person, and i will take responsibility for my actions. hell i even managed to find an amazing place to live, and have met some great people in the past few months and have actually tried to move on with my life instead of being stuck somewhere, where i know i was unhappy, as well as other people around me to. i left as soon as i was able to, and under my own steam, which i'm incredibly proud of. as this is the first time i've been truly independent.

so whatever you throw at me will only make me stronger.

and yes i have a confession to make, and that is i have been self harming since i was 13 yrs old. and that has stopped. oh i was close to it tonight, when you've got nobody to take it out on apart from yourself and you want to rip yourself to shreds over what  people have said to you, isn't the best feeling in the world. i'm not saying this for the sympathy, its a very big thing for me to say, (and i know most people wont read this far down to the bottom anyway) having kept it hidden for so long and only a few people know. oh yes i know i'm stupid for doing so, and anything else you want to throw at me. but i've made it. and thats the thing that matters.

so thank you for reading this, and listening to me ramble. if your going to be a bitch about it fine, but don't expect any time from me, i've had enough of people putting me down. for those that know what i'm going on about (yes thats you strawberries!) and anyone that can see it from my point of view (but not necessary agree) thank you.

its nice to know that out of the 200 odd friends i have on facebook theres 3 i can count on to be there for me, and you guys know who you are, so thank you <3 xxxxxxxx

ahhh

you've got to love what some people say to you, they can really make you feel on top of the fucking world!

And so i'm going to become a hermit, as everyones decided i'm an evil bitch or something on those lines at least. (well as long as the one person that actually matters to me hasn't, because that would make me very sad.)

so much for friends!

wooo update!

lol im getting kinda regular with this again, ive really got to find something else to do with my lunches at work!

 

anyway nearly the end of the day, (i was here at 0645 this morning!) and i can wait to get out of here, as ive had such a shitty week with retards on the phone. im not really allowed to enclose details of calls and stuff, but i can say theyre very loud, very shouty, and im apparently very wrong *sigh*

anyway apart fromt hat, i have the day off tomorow which will be really nice! dont know what im going to do tho, ive heard tell of an awesome shop thats just inside the industrial estate, where i might be able to pick up a tv for like uber cheep (as i went out to get a lisence today) so im going to hopefully convince josie or james to drive me over to have a ganders, depending on who i see first :P. apartfrom that i havent got much planned, oh! apart fromt he staff party thats ooooooon friday evening, but ive got like the uber early shift in the morning, and i dont know if i want to be out drinking late! lol

as to my room most of the boxes are gone now, apart from a couple that is making a fake table untill i get a knew one (ill need for my tv went it comes, though there should be some down at that shop place hopefully! and everythings pretty tidy now!

saw stix day before yesterday, and she looks really good, im glad that shes up and about now (shes the sort that doesnt like sitting still unlike me lol!) and josie popped over for a bit and we again had chinese (master chef!!!!). And james came over last night which was nice of him to keep me company, as i dont want to not see everyone!

and hopefully dave will be popping up sometime soon, when he stops spending all of his money on vs!!

anyways i thinks that enough of an update, maybe when im at ahome (i got the internet to work, basicly the rooters is in jullians room, and he had to turn it off and on again, yay!)

 

toodles! xxxxxx

oh, ps..

i forgot to say in the last post, but that guy i thought i knew i used to go to school with, turns out i do, and it was will! yay for seeing random people from your past!!!

toodles!!!! xxxxx

woop!!!!

yay im finally moved! im writting htis from the funest office yet (well at work) because the internet connection at home is a little dodgey and i need to work out how it works.

anyway, james helped me move all my things after work yesterday, and i was right, and able to fit it all in one car (with some manouvering and stuff of course!) and all my stuff (pretty much) is at the house now! i managed to get it all unpacked last night, so all ive got to do now is break down my boxes, and take them over to the recylcling thingyma bob in sainsburys to get rid of them! so yeah uber happy. My mum was nice enough to get me some stuff to use in the huse, like toothpaste and towles and stuff, and my dad got me my bed stuff, and also my first week of shopping! yay!! (8p jelly is awesome btw!)

 

so yeah all ive got to do moving wise, is to get a couple of containers for my food, and get a bin and a clothes horse so i can dry my clothes, when i want to do washing (once i work out how the machine works! lol!!! oh and ive got to go through my clothes and stuff, but that pretty borring to talk about! lol

my and josie (uber work friend~) are off to see stix (uber sick work friend) to make sure shes doing ok, and im going to drop round some comics for her to read, so hopefully a funfilled packed wostit of an afternoon ahead of me, after i think i might watch a couple of episodes of FMA, seeing as im not able to play vs tonigh due to stoopid train times grr

any im sorta bouncing off the walls atm, as im really happy about finally being out of that shit hole! lol (i say that in a it really needs a tidy way) though im a bit peeved at oli and lizzy ignoreing me, well not so much oli as hes toms friend, but lizzy yeah, cause weve been friends for comining up to like 10 years! ahh well who cares!

 

so yeah thats it for an update, im sure ill be back in tough sooner and stuff when ive got round to sorting out the rest of my room and stuff

so untill next time

toodles!!! xxxx